Oh, Regina George–half a virgin when she met Shane Oman. This quote makes some giggle, but it also makes me wonder: is it possible to be “half a virgin”?

 

Regina George is right. She is, was, and still could consider herself as “half-a-virgin”. Regina could have meant a fuck-ton of things by saying claiming that identity. She could have engaged in anal penetration, oral sex, digital play, vuvla-to-vulva, or even penis-to-pussy penetration and still be considered “half a virgin”. Still, it doesn’t matter whether we know the nitty gritties of what she defines as “sex” or what made her half a virgin. She counts what she wants to count, and cuts off what she doesn’t. Sexuality is defined by nobody else but yourself. Similar to Regina, I like to (re)construct my own rules and definitions about sexuality. I’ll explain.

 

Sexuality is socially constructed, but that doesn’t mean it’s not real. We adopt socially accepted definitions of sexuality, which include ideas and social ramifications about losing your virginity. The topic and meaning of the term “virginity” is also socially constructed to police women’s sexuality. You’re not special because you’re a virgin, you’re special because you’re a human. You’re also not trash if you fuck a lot,  and you’re also not trash if you don’t or never have fucked. Everyday Feminism discusses myths about virginity and Cal alumnus and Laci Green discusses cherry popping and hymens in a YouTube video. There’s something about losing your virginity that makes some people feel like they lost a part of themselves but really no one’s losing any part of themselves when they shed the identity of “virgin”. By dismantling what it means to be a virgin and what it means to lose your virginity, we take a step in empowering ourselves.

 

To be honest, I’ve had two first times and I don’t think that there’s anything wrong with that. People can have multiple firsts in their lives: first time ever, first time with someone you love, first time in the shower, first time with sex toys, the list goes on. Here’s a story about one of my first times, when I identified as both a virgin, half a virgin, and not a virgin:

 

It was my first time. Sort of. I’d done this kinda thing before but only for 15 seconds until my partner fell asleep. This time, we fucked til sunrise. The feelings overwhelmed me. He was strong. He seemed ready and I was, too. I told him I wasn’t a virgin because I didn’t want him to think I was weird or ask about why I’ve held my V-Card for so long.

I remember crying. Not from pain but because it was an incredible amount of pressure which penetrated me at a really fast pace. I wiped my tears so he wouldn’t see. When he fell asleep, I closed my eyes but felt too electrified to sleep. I lay in his bed, enlivened by the ambience. After feeling dead this past semester, it felt good to feel alive. When he kicked me out of his apartment, he brought me home on his bike and played Miguel’s “Do You..”

June 6th wasn’t just my sexual debut, but my introduction to a new world of casual sex. I didn’t anticipate that he would disrespect me as hard as he did during the weeks that followed. On one hand, I felt validated by his attention. On the other, I couldn’t tell if he wanted to dispose of me or keep me around. I don’t know why I gave him that power over me.


On November 19, 2014, I hiked my way up to the Clark Kerr dorms. I was invited to

represent SHEP (Sexual Health Education Program) in there Sexploration Night! Everyone was

invited to come and check out all the booths they had on sexual health. We had SHEP, BBC, and

UCSF kink research. All of us answered questions and gave out free safer sex supplies.

In my opinion, I feel like the night was a success. The turnout was great! There were at

least 50 students who came in and checked out what was offered. My favorite part of the night

was when people came over to my table and asked me about the things I had on the table. Most

of the questions I received were on dental dams, finger cots, insertive condoms, the difference

between different lubes, differences between the condoms, what lube to use, and if the sex toys

were used. I happily answered all these burning questions they all had and gave them even more

information to go home with.

At times, it got a little crazy because there were so many people at my table, but I

welcomed it. I love seeing peoples’ faces when they learn something new, I love the challenge of

teaching many people at once, and I love all the attention. At times I felt bad that the other tables

did not get as much popularity, but that just tells you SHEP is really something special that no

other organization can mimic.


Bondage Brittany here! Random Acts of Sexiness are perhaps one of my favorite and one of the most challenging things I have to do in SHEP. On November 21st I passed out 60 condoms on Upper Sproul. I personally really enjoy receiving free condoms for a variety of reasons. 1) They’re free 2) It’s like Christmas –you never know what type you might end up with 3) Free condoms help increase sexual safety and health. Passing out safer sex supplies on campus garners many different reactions, which is what can make it difficult. I was lucky I was on campus during a rush hour right after class ended and close enough to lunch for many people to be passing through. As a result it took me about 30 minutes to hand out all of my supplies – but sometimes on a slower day it can take upwards of an hour or more. On this occasion, I found that many more male students took condoms from me. It would be interesting to compare which students are more receptive to male-bodied or female -bodied people when it comes to taking condoms. More often than not I received blank stares as people intentionally ignored me, some would laughter and snicker, but then my favorite thing would happen. People would smile and accept my safer sex I think that when individuals encounter sex in public forums they often become unnerved or embarrassed to take safer sex supplies. As a result, I enjoy bringing sex into public – because it isn’t something to be neatly hidden in a bedroom – but something to engage in through avid discourse.


Daysha RRR blog imageHey y’all!

It’s your girl checkin’ in during Reading, Review, and Recitation (RRR) Week at UC Berkeley. Congratulations on completing a(nother) semester at Cal! If you’re familiar with Cal, then you might know that next week is colloquially referred to as “Dead Week” by students. If not, now you know. Also, if you’re not currently a student, this post is still for you! Let’s talk about stress, baby.

Perhaps you’re stressing from your job, your kids, your partner, or your physical appearance (hair, weight, acne); know that substantial stress can influence a body’s sexual performance. That is why I take mental health and self-care very seriously. Here are some ways that your well-being affects your sex life:

  • Stress decreases your libido, which means you might not want to have sex
  • Stress or depression could prevent a female body’s ability to orgasm or decrease their level of wetness
  • Stressed male identifying bodies might have erectile dysfunction, like not being able to get a hard-on and/or cumming early

My favorite ways to stress less:

  1. Create a more relaxing environment Play some feel-good music while you take a hot shower, then afterwards, get in your fresh sheets while nude. Light a candle and nap (or masturbate!)
  2. Regular exercise, enough sleep, and a healthy diet does wonders for your spirit
  3. Get some flowers for your home or take a stroll at the Berkeley Marina. Looking at nature has proven to reduce stress levels
  4. Smell the oranges citrus helps uplift the spirit. Happy mind, happy body, happy sex
  5. Massages be kind to yourself. treat your body to a massage for a holistic approach to destressing
  6. Play with animals interacting with fuzzy puppies or petting kittens always brings a smile to my face. Little animals are so gentle and happy, that they remind me to be kind to myself.
  7. Talk to friends and family seeing them over coffee, Skype, or Facetime might help you feel more supported and may give you to boost you need to perform better (at work, in school, in the bedroom)

That is all for now. Stress less, be happy, and be kind to yourself and others. Til’ next time. Happy holidays!

With love and lust,

Daysha xoxo


On Thursday November 20th at 7pm Jiggling Jugs Jasmine and I presented a Sexual Debut and Sexual Pleasure workshop for the fantastic residents of Foothill. Approximately 10 people attended the workshop allowing for a close knit discussion. We began the workshop with my personal favorite – What would you do with a rope? The residents were a bit shy to begin with but got more comfortable with making suggestions as it moved across the room. Then we moved into our discussion on Sexual Debuts and the inherent heterosexism found in the term virginity (and why we use sexual debut as a celebratory term.) Next we moved into a discussion on sex toys and their role in sexual pleasure and even how they can be significant in an individual’s sexual debut. Overall, it was a great experience. After we finished our presentation we received many interesting questions and it was clear that the foothill residents were really interested in our topics. I always really enjoy when workshops provoke openness and questions because curiosity plays an implicit role in sexuality. I would love to come back to talk to the foothill residents in the future!


Leslie Quijano

Fenwick, October 4th, 2014.

7 condoms in Fenwick Coop and 15 at FSM café

21

I distributed a total of 21 condoms, on two occasions. I initially started passing out condoms outside of Free Speech Movement café. I forgot that getting a picture was part of the assignment. I went ahead and continued to pass out condoms in the Fenwick Coop courtyard. It was surprisingly a lot easier to get people to take some condoms at FSM than in my coop. I think it’s because of the slow traffic that I had in Fenwick vs. FSM. There were some students who were resistant to the idea of taking a condom from a stranger but I can tell from their body language that sexual health was a topic of taboo for them. There were some older folks who were amused by my deed to society and asked more about why I was passing out condoms. Which was nice because they genuinely cared and were not conservative about the issue at all. I encountered a student who felt I was only serving a limited population because she did not need a male condom for her sexual activity and I was taken back by her comment. Whenever I have been in a sexual health class we are only taught heteronormative practices of sexual safety. I apologized to this girl because I realized that by promoting sexual health awareness week, it is equally important to emphasize the safety of all types of sexual interactions. I would have liked to have dental dams to pass out as well.

Overall, I imagined the 30 condoms flying out of my hands but our student population is a lot more conservative than I had anticipated. It was 3 in the afternoon on a school day so I suppose if it were midnight and I were outside a Fraternity the condoms would’ve distribute themselves. Unfortunately, I think all populations of students should be willing to take a condom and learn about sexual education.


RANDOM ACT OF SEXINESS

On Wednesday, October 1st Sather Gate handing out condoms. I have to admit that I was a little nervous about this, simply because I thought it was going to be pretty awkward. I have seen a lot of people making useless attempts to hand out fliers, and the thought of being the weird girl desperately trying to give away condoms scared me. However I was surprised of how willingly people accepted the free condoms. The random act of sexiness was not awkward at all, and most people were very grateful for my generosity. I noticed that guys were in general more exited about the condoms than girls, but I’m not sure why. I have a feeling that guys tend to be more open about their sexual life than girls, but for all I know this could be very wrong. I handed out all of my 30 condoms in the late afternoon (around 5:30) and it took me I found myself beside about 40 minutes – way more quickly than I expected. Being able to make people more aware of safety around sex as well as being open about the topic to make it less taboo was a lot of fun. I felt like I was being part of a little movement – a tiny step in the right direction. Obviously, sex is an important part of college life for many people and it is very important that people have the knowledge they need in order to be safe, healthy, and have fun. My random act of sexiness was a great success and I’m glad to have made a lot of people happy.


Having planned to meet with the girls from class on Friday at noon across the way from Memorial Glade. As I had a class to attend at 1240, I waited until about 1215. Mustered up the courage, busted out my pack of multicolored , rainbow condoms and began offering them up like samples at Costco. The reactions ranged from different all throughout the spectrum. There were people who gladly accepted a condom, with no shame to the art of sex safe, and there were some who wanted nothing to do with it. The only difference was when I addressed people directly, saying no was a a lot harder! You had the coy and embarrassed no, the “you-should-be-ashamed-of-yourself” no, the silent but deadly no, oh and my favorite, the “I-want-to-but-it’s-embarrassing” no, among many other no’s.
At least 200 people must have passed me by and I only gave out about half of the condoms. Given I was only out handing out condoms for about 30 minutes, I just assumed that more people would be willing to accept a condom, in the spirit of safe sex. When people say that sex is taboo, it is often taken out of context. The word taboo comes from the term Pacific Islander term, “tapu” which means sacred; to be treated with respect, and may be forbidden to people who cannot handle its power. Going back to biblical references, it is a sin to engage in sex before marriage because it is considered sacred and treated with respect. Sex being taboo does not mean it’s bad or forbidden it is simply means that sex should not be engaged between people who cannot handle the powers and responsibilities that it brings.


Location: Sproul Plaza

Date: Friday Oct 3
Time: 3:00pm
Last Friday Lucia (Lucy Boobs) and I were distributing condoms around Sproul Plaza. As students were walking by to get to their 3pm classes Lucia would gracefully walk up to students yelling “You can never have too many condoms” which is debatable, nonetheless students would take one. As I approached students I would say “Hi! Free condoms, we’re promoting safe sex, here take one!” In a matter of 15-20 mins we completely ran out of condoms to hand out. I felt like many students took it pretty well, they understand that we’re in college and sometimes you need a condom when you least expect it. I would say it was pretty easy, even the girls would take the male condoms and stash them away in their purses. I love seeing the reactions of some guys because they gave me the impression like they’ve never seen a condom before, which is plausible here at Berkeley. I did have the fortune of seeing one of my teammates come by and take a handful.

My favorite part of the experience was the sheer act of being able to shout the words “Practice safe sex” it made me realize that no one should ever be ashamed of ever doing this, we’re all mammals that wanna have sex. Sex is why we are here! it’s the only reason more there are more people everyday. So its very important to keep in mind that sex causes reproduction if you don’t take the simple step of protecting yourself. Impregnating someone during college or before could be devastating, as it is a huge responsibility. Why not put all that fear away and wear a condom or a protective measure like bc. Great experience I would do it again, with the penis costume on, and when it’s not 90 degrees outside.

I thought this experience was a fun way to get out of my comfort zone.

Yes, I have to say that I had a hard time handing out the condoms to

random people. But as I succeeded the first time, I was able to gain

confidence and have fun handing out the rest of them. I went to Dwinelle

Hall since there are always a lot of people even at night. I did not want

to do it in the morning or afternoon since there are too many people.

And I don’t have any classes on Thursdays, so I was able to relax and

calm down before going out to hand out condoms. I think it was a great

experience but I was scared to meet any of my friends or anyone that I

knew since it would be embarrassing. And I spent an hour distributing

the condoms because not all of the people wanted one. Thankfully, my

first try was a success, if it was not; I would probably have chickened

out and went home. The first few tries were success, but when I was

denied, I sat down on the bench for few minutes. I wanted to finish

distributing all the condoms so that’s why it took me a long time. Since I

did it by myself, I had to take a selfie with a random person. It was

more comfortable for me to take a picture with an Asian so as soon as I

gave the condom, I asked if I can take a selfie with him for my class. He

was cool with taking picture so I gave him another condom. Although

some people were hesitant and even denied receiving condoms, I had a

fun night distributing those condoms. Although I would not like to do it

again, it was a great experience.




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