“Communication is the key to (fill in the blank).”
This is a quote we have all heard before from parents, teachers, friends, doctors, and even Disney characters. However, today you’re not going to hear it from me. Instead of communication being the key to something, today communication is lubrication. Communication will make your sexual relations easier and frictionless, just like a bottle of AstroGlide.
Touch me here, don’t touch me there, harder, softer…. I think you get the idea. In order to experience exquisite pleasure you will probably have to find a way to communicate what you want to your partner. Whether you want to communicate with an extra loud moan when your partner touches your sweet spot, of if you move their hand right where you want it, unless your partner is psychic communication is essential.
Pleasure is not the only subject that needs to be navigated in a sexual relationship. Safety is paramount and safe sex isn’t something that happens organically. Who will bring the condoms? Do I need to be worried about getting an STI? When were you last tested? I acknowledge that these are uncomfortable questions to ask, and that you may be afraid of the answers but ignorance isn’t bliss. Not when it means getting pregnant or transmitting and STI. Besides that, it’s awfully difficult to get lost in the pleasure and passion of sex when you have a nagging question in the back of your mind. The trick is finding the right moment and respecting yourself enough to know that your own safety and pleasure trumps any momentary awkwardness.
Once the deed is done, there is one last person it’s important to communicate with about your sexual relations. When visiting your doctor full disclosure of your sexual history, including: the number of partners you have had, the type of sex you engage in, and the protection and/or contraception you are or aren’t using is necessary. Your physician can best determine what tests you need if any when they have all the information. In addition, if you are interested in contraception your physician can help you decide which method is best for your lifestyle. Hopefully your doctor is someone you can trust and feel comfortable opening up to, if not consider finding a new physician.
This isn’t easy. I know that it’s easy for me to sit here behind my computer and tell you that all you have to do is talk about things and they will magically be better. I know that it’s hard, and that it will take a lot of practice. The first time you ask a partner to use a condom, maybe there will be an awkward pause. The first time you tell your doctor how many sexual partners you’ve had you may blush. But once you have taken that step a condom will be unrolled, your doctor will move on to another question and you will be able to take a sigh of relief that you were brave enough to take your sexual health into your own hands. So lube it up!