How do you make decisions regarding sex? Though it seems like a simple question, a lot of thought can go into the “who, what, where and when” of sex. One of the first steps to negotiating sex starts with open communication, not only with your partner(s) but also with yourself. What sort of things are you looking for and what are your expectations? Some categories to consider:
–Relationships: What sort of things are you looking for in your sexual partner(s)? Negotiating sex can be different with every partner so you don’t necessarily have to go about it the same way! Communication and compromise can be a great way to assure that all parties are getting the most out of the hook-up or relationship.
–Sexual health: How do you incorporate health into your sex life? Thinking and talking about things such as barrier methods, contraception, and testing can help you assure that your sex life is sexy and healthy. Learning about the risks around sex and how to protect yourself can help you get the most out of your sex life and make an informed decision that works best for your needs. If you ever feel lost in the world of sexual health, SHEP offers 30 minute clinic appointments with a trained intern to discuss any sexual health questions or concerns you might want addressed.
–Sexual debuts: How do you decide when to become sexually active for the first time? How do you decide when to become sexually active with a new partner? Deciding on when to have your sexual debut can be a very empowering decision! Negotiating this decision might involve educating yourself about safer sex, getting safer sex supplies such as condoms, lube, dental dams and/or latex gloves, and simply getting to know your body and what feels good for you.
–Sexual pleasure: What do you find pleasurable? Negotiating sexual pleasure is all about determining what feels good for you. This is true both during solo sex and with a partner. When negotiating sexual pleasure with a partner, talking about the types of sex you enjoy can be a great way to foster open communication and make sure everyone feels satisfied.
At the end of the day, negotiating sex is all about your needs, desires, and wants.
~ “Vulvacious” Victoria