What does it mean when one identifies as queer? A whole spectrum of people identify as queer for different reasons, leaving some to be confused as to what it means. A definition I appreciate is provided in Carol Queen and Shar Rednour’s The Sex & Pleasure Book : Good Vibrations Guide to Great Sex for Everyone. It claims that ““queer” can encompass all the ways to be sexual besides the heteronormative “one man, one woman having sex that could make babies””


With this as the definition, quite a variety of lifestyles can make one “queer.” Let’s break down the different lifestyles that could be had outside of the heteronormative, one part of the definition at a time.

First, the beginning mentioning “one man, one woman.” There are a variety of sexualities that make this pairing not the case. A man may wish to be with another man and a woman may wish to be with another woman. Along with this, there are those that identify as neither a man nor a woman. Those who identify as such may certainly be sexual, but have no mention in the heteronormative definition. Therefore, they along with lesbians and gays fit under the definition of queer.


Another part of the definition is the emphasis on “one man, one woman” and nothing else. Just two people doing their thing with no interruptions.  However, polyamorous and nonmonogamous relationships exist. Also, threesomes and other forms of moresomes are also spoken of in popular culture. Under the definition of queer, people who participate in these relationships could also identify.


The last part of the definition is “having sex in a way that could make babies.” This is alluding to penis in vagina sex. However, there is so much sexual activity to be had outside of this. Oral, anal, massages, kissing, and anything kink or fetish related are not part of the heteronormative definition. Therefore, anyone who participates in these activities could also identify as queer.

~Sexpert Caning Kylie