Search

SHEP Talk

Hooking Up Healthy Since 1970

Tag

Sexpert

Meet Sexpert Brandon!

Hey y’all,

My name is (Booty) Brandon and I’m excited to be a part of SHEP this year! I’m currently a 4th year studying Integrative Biology and I’ve really enjoyed my time here at Cal. I decided to join SHEP because I previously worked with another sexual health program and I really enjoyed my time there. It was a lot of fun meeting new people, promoting healthy lifestyles, and handing out condoms! I’m totally looking forward to working with my fellow Sexperts and helping out my peers through random acts of sexiness!

-Booty Brandon

IMG_0231[1]

On Campus Rape Culture

Since the enactment of the “Yes Means Yes” bill on September 29, 2014, I feel like there has been a surge in visibility on occurrences of rapes at Frat Houses at UC Berkeley. I dont think that there is an increase in “rapes”, but relatively better visibility on on-campus rapes. Visibility, however, doesn’t mean better investigations. I say “rape” because there’s a phenomenon on what is considered “real rape” versus “fake” rape, which I’ll discuss later. Let’s just take look-sie of recent (reported) incidents at UC Berkeley frat houses:

October 3: http://www.dailycal.org/2014/10/03/student-arrested-suspicion-rape-fraternity/
October 16: http://www.dailycal.org/2014/10/16/5-individuals-reported/
Octoer 17: http://www.dailycal.org/2014/10/17/fraternity-member-reports-sexually-assaulted-another-member/
October 23: http://www.dailycal.org/2014/10/23/female-student-reports-drugged-sexually-assaulted/

Keep in mind that most rape cases are not reported for several reasons; because the victim might be trying to protect the identity of their perpetrator, don’t want to go through the traumatizing processes, might experience victim-blaming, etc. Furthermore, there must be a substantial amount of evidence to declare a rape case true. If there’s not substantial evidence or the victim backs out, then the rapist is considered “innocent”.

Thank you to all that participated in Carry the Weight event on October 20, where “UC Berkeley students stood in solidarity with survivors, helping #carrytheweight of sexual assault. Over 130 schools participated in this national day of action inspired by Emma from Columbia, who is carrying her mattress until the assailant is expelled from the university.” See https://www.facebook.com/CalConsentCampaign for more details.

xoxo

Daysha

Sexual Debuts: “I was half a virgin when I met him”

Oh, Regina George–half a virgin when she met Shane Oman. This quote makes some giggle, but it also makes me wonder: is it possible to be “half a virgin”?

 

Regina George is right. She is, was, and still could consider herself as “half-a-virgin”. Regina could have meant a fuck-ton of things by saying claiming that identity. She could have engaged in anal penetration, oral sex, digital play, vuvla-to-vulva, or even penis-to-pussy penetration and still be considered “half a virgin”. Still, it doesn’t matter whether we know the nitty gritties of what she defines as “sex” or what made her half a virgin. She counts what she wants to count, and cuts off what she doesn’t. Sexuality is defined by nobody else but yourself. Similar to Regina, I like to (re)construct my own rules and definitions about sexuality. I’ll explain.

 

Sexuality is socially constructed, but that doesn’t mean it’s not real. We adopt socially accepted definitions of sexuality, which include ideas and social ramifications about losing your virginity. The topic and meaning of the term “virginity” is also socially constructed to police women’s sexuality. You’re not special because you’re a virgin, you’re special because you’re a human. You’re also not trash if you fuck a lot,  and you’re also not trash if you don’t or never have fucked. Everyday Feminism discusses myths about virginity and Cal alumnus and Laci Green discusses cherry popping and hymens in a YouTube video. There’s something about losing your virginity that makes some people feel like they lost a part of themselves but really no one’s losing any part of themselves when they shed the identity of “virgin”. By dismantling what it means to be a virgin and what it means to lose your virginity, we take a step in empowering ourselves.

 

To be honest, I’ve had two first times and I don’t think that there’s anything wrong with that. People can have multiple firsts in their lives: first time ever, first time with someone you love, first time in the shower, first time with sex toys, the list goes on. Here’s a story about one of my first times, when I identified as both a virgin, half a virgin, and not a virgin:

 

It was my first time. Sort of. I’d done this kinda thing before but only for 15 seconds until my partner fell asleep. This time, we fucked til sunrise. The feelings overwhelmed me. He was strong. He seemed ready and I was, too. I told him I wasn’t a virgin because I didn’t want him to think I was weird or ask about why I’ve held my V-Card for so long.

I remember crying. Not from pain but because it was an incredible amount of pressure which penetrated me at a really fast pace. I wiped my tears so he wouldn’t see. When he fell asleep, I closed my eyes but felt too electrified to sleep. I lay in his bed, enlivened by the ambience. After feeling dead this past semester, it felt good to feel alive. When he kicked me out of his apartment, he brought me home on his bike and played Miguel’s “Do You..”

June 6th wasn’t just my sexual debut, but my introduction to a new world of casual sex. I didn’t anticipate that he would disrespect me as hard as he did during the weeks that followed. On one hand, I felt validated by his attention. On the other, I couldn’t tell if he wanted to dispose of me or keep me around. I don’t know why I gave him that power over me.

Sexploration Night with Sexpert Mike

On November 19, 2014, I hiked my way up to the Clark Kerr dorms. I was invited to

represent SHEP (Sexual Health Education Program) in there Sexploration Night! Everyone was

invited to come and check out all the booths they had on sexual health. We had SHEP, BBC, and

UCSF kink research. All of us answered questions and gave out free safer sex supplies.

In my opinion, I feel like the night was a success. The turnout was great! There were at

least 50 students who came in and checked out what was offered. My favorite part of the night

was when people came over to my table and asked me about the things I had on the table. Most

of the questions I received were on dental dams, finger cots, insertive condoms, the difference

between different lubes, differences between the condoms, what lube to use, and if the sex toys

were used. I happily answered all these burning questions they all had and gave them even more

information to go home with.

At times, it got a little crazy because there were so many people at my table, but I

welcomed it. I love seeing peoples’ faces when they learn something new, I love the challenge of

teaching many people at once, and I love all the attention. At times I felt bad that the other tables

did not get as much popularity, but that just tells you SHEP is really something special that no

other organization can mimic.

Random Acts of Sexiness with Bondage Brittany

Bondage Brittany here! Random Acts of Sexiness are perhaps one of my favorite and one of the most challenging things I have to do in SHEP. On November 21st I passed out 60 condoms on Upper Sproul. I personally really enjoy receiving free condoms for a variety of reasons. 1) They’re free 2) It’s like Christmas –you never know what type you might end up with 3) Free condoms help increase sexual safety and health. Passing out safer sex supplies on campus garners many different reactions, which is what can make it difficult. I was lucky I was on campus during a rush hour right after class ended and close enough to lunch for many people to be passing through. As a result it took me about 30 minutes to hand out all of my supplies – but sometimes on a slower day it can take upwards of an hour or more. On this occasion, I found that many more male students took condoms from me. It would be interesting to compare which students are more receptive to male-bodied or female -bodied people when it comes to taking condoms. More often than not I received blank stares as people intentionally ignored me, some would laughter and snicker, but then my favorite thing would happen. People would smile and accept my safer sex I think that when individuals encounter sex in public forums they often become unnerved or embarrassed to take safer sex supplies. As a result, I enjoy bringing sex into public – because it isn’t something to be neatly hidden in a bedroom – but something to engage in through avid discourse.

Foothill Workshop with Bondage Brittany

On Thursday November 20th at 7pm Jiggling Jugs Jasmine and I presented a Sexual Debut and Sexual Pleasure workshop for the fantastic residents of Foothill. Approximately 10 people attended the workshop allowing for a close knit discussion. We began the workshop with my personal favorite – What would you do with a rope? The residents were a bit shy to begin with but got more comfortable with making suggestions as it moved across the room. Then we moved into our discussion on Sexual Debuts and the inherent heterosexism found in the term virginity (and why we use sexual debut as a celebratory term.) Next we moved into a discussion on sex toys and their role in sexual pleasure and even how they can be significant in an individual’s sexual debut. Overall, it was a great experience. After we finished our presentation we received many interesting questions and it was clear that the foothill residents were really interested in our topics. I always really enjoy when workshops provoke openness and questions because curiosity plays an implicit role in sexuality. I would love to come back to talk to the foothill residents in the future!

How To Use An INSERTIVE CONDOM

sssTabling on Friday November 8th was packed! It was the day before the Cal vs. USC game, so the noontime rally on Sproul was filled with Cal and USC students and alumni. This crowd meant more people to hand out safer sex supplies to! Even Oski came over to the SHEP table and took some free condoms and lube. That’s sexy to have our college mascot be into safe sex! We were running out of the more “popular” traditional condoms (go us, that means the campus community is getting protected!), so the other SHEPpers and I had to try our sales pitch for insertive (female) condoms, lube, and dental dams. Most people didn’t know what any of these were, how they are used, or why one might want to use them, so our lack of resources actually made us buff up our teaching skills with these equally as great safer sex supplies.

~ In-Me Isabel

How To: Insertive Condoms (also known as Female condoms but here in SHEP we don’t gender condoms, because everyone has an anus!)

1. Before engaging in any sexual activity, it is important to talk to your partner(s). The conversation can be brief but should include: giving/getting permission for the activity, what type of protection (in this case insertive condom!), who will bring the protection, any past or present STIs either partner should be aware of.

2. Carefully open the package and remove the insertive condom.

3. Lubricate the outside of the closed end of the insertive condom.

4a. In the vagina: Squeeze together the inner ring and insert the closed end of the condom into the vagina. Make sure the condom is pushed in all the way until it touches the cervix. The condom can be inserted up to 8 hours before intercourse.

4. In the anus: it is optional to remove the inner ring. Twist closed end of insertive condom and insert approximately 1 inch into anus.

5. Use lubricant before insertion: on the penis or sex toy, inside the condom, or both.

6. The insertive partner should ensure that the penis goes inside the condom and not next to it.

7. Make sure the outer ring does not slip inside, by checking it regularly or holding it in place.

8. After intercourse, remove the condom immediately, before standing up. Twist the outer ring to keep the semen inside, and gently pull the condom out.

9. Throw the used condom away. Use a new insertive condom for each sex act, including changing sites of penetration!

Questions? Ask a Sexpert!

Outreach: SHAW ’13 from In Me Isabel

This was my first Sexual Health Awareness Week! Monday was all about Women’s Health, and my fellow SHEPper Lick Me Lizzi and I wore the penis costume around Sproul. Even though that outfit was hot in the perfect mid-morning sun, it got a lot of people interested in talking to me about sexual health-if not just to take a picture with the penis. For Wednesday, STI health day, a female student came up to me and asked what I was handing out condoms for. I said that condoms can be used to prevent unintended pregnancy and STI transmission. She said she doesn’t need that because she is on the birth control pill, and I jumped at the opportunity to inform her on one of the biggest misconceptions students seem to have on campus: birth control does NOT prevent STI transmission! Unfortunately, after telling her this, she looked scared, but then I directed her to the SHEP table on the Savio Steps and gave her information about STI testing and counseling resources at the Tang Center. Although that news probably came as an unwanted shock to this student, I’m glad I got to give her correct information about this super important concept so that she can take better care of her own sexual health. A lot of the work we do as SHEPpers wows, shocks, and sometimes scares people, but at the end of the day, we hope they are better off health wise knowing some of the risks and more empowered to pursue a healthy and rewarding sex life.

isis–In Me Isabel

Random Acts of Sexiness: BIG QUEER EVENT

monnn

Hello everyone! Big Queer Event went down Thursday, October 10 at 7 pm in Annahead Hall at the Martinez Commons. As usual, the event was filled with happy members of the Queer Community and allies of all different backgrounds and spaces. I was happy to see many QPOC (Queer People of Color) attend the event!

Anyway, when I entered I was greeted by the event coordinator, and I just took my basket filled with traditional condoms, water and silicone based lube, and dental dams. People would swarm to my basket with tons of questions! Most notable were:

What is the difference between silicone and water based lube?

-In short, silicone lube tends to last longer since the body doesn’t absorb it as it does with water-based lube. Both are safe to use vaginally and anally, but since the anus doesn’t create its own lubrication, silicone is recommended.

What condom can help my boyfriend’s penis from stop chaffing?

-For this I had to use my facilitation skills, of which I asked a question for clarification, “Is he allergic to latex?” and they said “Yes.” So, I gladly handed him a non-latex traditional condom.

What is a dental dam and can everyone use it?

-I opened up an expired dental dam for the purpose of education and showed them that it was a stretchy piece of latex, or non-latex if using the “Hot Dam” brand, that can be used as a barrier method when performing or receiving analingus or cunnilingus. I would then hand them lube of their choice, so they can put it on their partner’s side, and told them they can have anything on their side!

In one hour, I passed my entire traditional condom load, which was around 50, all the lubes, and a few of the dental dams. Everyone was eager to learn what I had, and I left with a happy outreach!

Menage a trois Monica

Up ↑