On Sunday, November 23rd I had the wonderful opportunity to give my first workshop at Stern Hall. The intro to Sexual Health and Sexual Pleasure workshop was attended by 7 residents, setting a cozy atmosphere to the discussion. We started with an overview of the various safer sex barrier methods available, like traditional condoms, insertive condoms, and dental dams. I demonstrated the proper way to use a traditional condom. Next we talked about the variety and wonders of lube. I showed them the difference between water-based and silicone-based, and many were surprised by how different the textures can be. We then transitioned to an introduction on sexual pleasure, and how sex toys can play a part in a healthy, fun sex life. The residents were excited to see the variety of toys as I went over the types, materials, and uses of the toys and subsequently passed them around. One of my favorite toys to talk about is the strap-on harness, and I was glad to see someone actually volunteer to try it on! Overall it was a very pleasant experience talking to the women of Stern. We had a mixed group, with individuals of various backgrounds of sexual knowledge and experience so it was fun to interact with the diversity of questions presented to me. I had a great time, and look forward to my next workshop!
Tag: #SexySaturdays
3-WAY
Hey y’all,
Hope your Halloween weekend was eventful and sexy. Mine sure was! I dressed up as Little Red
Riding Hood and Wonder Woman. What did you all dress up as?
Anyway, my favorite topic to explore in my wonderful Interdisciplinary Studies Field major is
heterosexual casual sex (For example last year, I did a 20 page paper on heterosexual casual sex and
Instagram ^.^)
Happily for me, we’re reading about queer and hetero casual sex this week in my Sociology course.
We explored “Queer Women in the Hookup Scene: Beyond the Closet?” by Rupp et al’s text. And
this SNL video featuring Justin Timberlake and Lady Gaga (that was referenced in the article) is both
funny and true.
Thought I’d share.
In the college hookup scene, threesomes with two men and one woman allow men to explore their
sexuality without much stigma. It’s interesting how it’s socially acceptable (and even encouraged)
for two women to make out on the dance floor of a frat house. This is because it satisfies the
heterosexual male gaze. On the flip side for men, same-sex making out in a heteronormative space
is stigmatized.
This allows women to easily explore their sexuality without prancing around with tons of stigma.
For men, it’s much more difficult to explore their sexuality with bodies of the same sex. Having
woman in the middle of a threesome allows same-sex pleasure without as much stigma.
I’m just gonna leave this here:
“It’s okay when it’s in a three-way/ it’s not gay when it’s in a three-way/ with a honey in the middle
there’s some leeway”.
True, or nah?
Xoxo,
Daysha
Define: Slut Shaming
Have you ever heard
someone call a woman a slut
simply for the clothing she
wears on her back? Or
alternatively, maybe you
have heard (or called)
someone a slut for his or her
sexual proclivities. Slut
Shaming is a systemic and
cultural problem that
proliferates college
campuses – and UC Berkeley
is no exception.
Although slut shaming can
be used in reference to male and female-bodied people, it is typically applied to
women. Most common definitions as a result define slut shaming along the gender
Slut Shaming: Slut-shaming, also known as slut-bashing, is the idea of
shaming and/or attacking a woman or a girl for being sexual, having one or more
sexual partners, acknowledging sexual feelings, and/or acting on sexual feelings.1
Once, when walking down the road to meet my partner, I had a car full of
men shout “Keep walking, you Cunt!” Did I deserve it? No. All I did was walk casually
around Berkeley, my current home. I was dressed as casually as one can get. Did
those men have a right to shout at me so crudely? No. Even had I been dressed
provactatively, it is a persons right to dress how they please. This wasn’t the first
time I had been harassed and my sex used as a right to assault me and unfortunately
it won’t be the last until people take a strong stand against it.
Slut shaming is a method for controlling women, and a vulgar one at that. It
contributes and validates rape culture – a problem that has largely been in the news
around Berkeley this year. Additionally, slut shaming harms individuals of any
sexuality. Heterosexual, Homosexual, Asexual, or any other variant of sexuality is
fair game for slut shaming. 2 People of all genders slut shame in an effort to control
and manipulate others. Women slut shame women and men slut shame women and
vice versa. It is a method to police sexuality and repress expression. 3 Often it can be
divided on classist lines as noted by Aljahzeera where “[Studies] found the more
affluent women were able to engage in more sexual experimentation without being
slut-shamed, while the less-affluent women were ridiculed as sluts for being
“trashy” or “not classy,” even though they engaged in less sexual behavior.”4 It is
time to stop oppressing and to start allowing expression. Whether it is through
1 http://finallyfeminism101.wordpress.com/2010/04/04/what-is-slut-shaming/
3 http://finallyfeminism101.wordpress.com/2010/04/04/what-is-slut-shaming/
4 http://america.aljazeera.com/articles/2014/5/29/slut-shaming-study.html
commiting to not “Yucking my yum” or by educating others on the bullying and
heavily oppressive nature of slut shaming, something needs to change.
On Campus Rape Culture
Since the enactment of the “Yes Means Yes” bill on September 29, 2014, I feel like there has been a surge in visibility on occurrences of rapes at Frat Houses at UC Berkeley. I dont think that there is an increase in “rapes”, but relatively better visibility on on-campus rapes. Visibility, however, doesn’t mean better investigations. I say “rape” because there’s a phenomenon on what is considered “real rape” versus “fake” rape, which I’ll discuss later. Let’s just take look-sie of recent (reported) incidents at UC Berkeley frat houses:
October 3: http://www.dailycal.org/2014/10/03/student-arrested-suspicion-rape-fraternity/
October 16: http://www.dailycal.org/2014/10/16/5-individuals-reported/
Octoer 17: http://www.dailycal.org/2014/10/17/fraternity-member-reports-sexually-assaulted-another-member/
October 23: http://www.dailycal.org/2014/10/23/female-student-reports-drugged-sexually-assaulted/
Keep in mind that most rape cases are not reported for several reasons; because the victim might be trying to protect the identity of their perpetrator, don’t want to go through the traumatizing processes, might experience victim-blaming, etc. Furthermore, there must be a substantial amount of evidence to declare a rape case true. If there’s not substantial evidence or the victim backs out, then the rapist is considered “innocent”.
Thank you to all that participated in Carry the Weight event on October 20, where “UC Berkeley students stood in solidarity with survivors, helping #carrytheweight of sexual assault. Over 130 schools participated in this national day of action inspired by Emma from Columbia, who is carrying her mattress until the assailant is expelled from the university.” See https://www.facebook.com/CalConsentCampaign for more details.
xoxo
Daysha
Sexploration Night with Sexpert Mike
On November 19, 2014, I hiked my way up to the Clark Kerr dorms. I was invited to
represent SHEP (Sexual Health Education Program) in there Sexploration Night! Everyone was
invited to come and check out all the booths they had on sexual health. We had SHEP, BBC, and
UCSF kink research. All of us answered questions and gave out free safer sex supplies.
In my opinion, I feel like the night was a success. The turnout was great! There were at
least 50 students who came in and checked out what was offered. My favorite part of the night
was when people came over to my table and asked me about the things I had on the table. Most
of the questions I received were on dental dams, finger cots, insertive condoms, the difference
between different lubes, differences between the condoms, what lube to use, and if the sex toys
were used. I happily answered all these burning questions they all had and gave them even more
information to go home with.
At times, it got a little crazy because there were so many people at my table, but I
welcomed it. I love seeing peoples’ faces when they learn something new, I love the challenge of
teaching many people at once, and I love all the attention. At times I felt bad that the other tables
did not get as much popularity, but that just tells you SHEP is really something special that no
other organization can mimic.
Foothill Workshop with Bondage Brittany
On Thursday November 20th at 7pm Jiggling Jugs Jasmine and I presented a Sexual Debut and Sexual Pleasure workshop for the fantastic residents of Foothill. Approximately 10 people attended the workshop allowing for a close knit discussion. We began the workshop with my personal favorite – What would you do with a rope? The residents were a bit shy to begin with but got more comfortable with making suggestions as it moved across the room. Then we moved into our discussion on Sexual Debuts and the inherent heterosexism found in the term virginity (and why we use sexual debut as a celebratory term.) Next we moved into a discussion on sex toys and their role in sexual pleasure and even how they can be significant in an individual’s sexual debut. Overall, it was a great experience. After we finished our presentation we received many interesting questions and it was clear that the foothill residents were really interested in our topics. I always really enjoy when workshops provoke openness and questions because curiosity plays an implicit role in sexuality. I would love to come back to talk to the foothill residents in the future!
SHEP Talk 